Today was by far the most unproductive day ever. Even though I skipped the family weekly lunch claiming I wanted to study, I kept running away from my papers. Around 7 pm I started having a panic attack, usually I fought it away, but today it got the best of me. The post-its I put kept staring at me, yet I kept staring at the ceiling. I know I’ll have to stay up later today to finish up what I had planned and it seems it’s gonna take a lot more effort than I expected. So why I am writing this post now? Coz I’m also running away. I’m scared, scared to my deepest core. I want this all to be over.. over very fast.. very soon.

Nothing intersting happened today, I just woke up a couple of minutes before noon. Started studying around 3 pm and still am. I just took a break between chapters to write this post. 8 days to the exam.. God help me make it.

So, the plan was to wake up at 5 am.. Yet for many reasons I could sleep last night. I ended up waking up at 8 am. Couldn’t actually function properly so I gave up on the morning studying & headed to the University by 9:30.
My little patient came so I could take the final photographs & x-rays. I got him a remote control car as a gift coz he was such a sweet cooperative boy. He was so glad that he kept smiling till he went out of my sight. I organized all the pictures & burned them on the CD the department requested. Put everything so neatly in the box & handed it to the receptionist. I felt so proud & happy. NO MORE PEDZ EVER AGAIN ! I did it ! I couldn’t stop smiling.
I also handed in all of the requierment forms except for one subject that I’ll be done with on Sunday. It’s really overwhelming.. The fact that I can see everything going into place, all the hard work paying off, ending with a click of a button. I keep trying to find the words to describe this. But I can’t.
I got home at around 2, looked at my room & decided to start my official study camp. I got a thin sleeping matress & layed it on the floor, piled up all the papers & notes I should study & some extra ones if I found time. 6 long subjects, 6 different dental specialities, all in one exam of three parts over two days, 7-hour exam in total.
I started studying, then noticed I’m lagging & taking more time than I should. So I made me a harsh pretty reminder that I got 10 days to go by sticking colorfull post-its on the side of my bed facing me with the days written on them. I tried to focus, but still couldn’t fully forget the freaking out voices in my head that begged me to quit. So I starting timing my chapters, making my own mini-deadline. If I set an hour then it’s an hour no more. It started working and I finished a good amount alhamdillah..
I decided to call it a night & finish up tomorrow. And at one point I realized it’s the weekend, but then it’s finals season, weekends don’t exist.. At least to me they don’t.
So good night world, and ya rab tomorrow shall be a great productive day !

Well here we go.. I wouldn’t want to call it a war or a battle since it seems much more simpler than that. What’s all the fuss about us studying everything & anything we were taught in the last 3 years? It’s no big deal right? Lol I’m clearly in denial.
Today I woke up at 4 am since I had to work all day, I decided to gain a couple of hours of studying before my 8:30 patient. Those 3 & a half hour passed so fast I only finished one chapter ! I got to my clinic at exactly 8:15 am, and didn’t leave it till the clock striked 5:00 pm. I felt good alhamdillah & I got me an iced chocolate from Barnie’s, which after drinking it on my empty stomach, made me shiver in the heat !
I got home hoping I’ll sleep, but then I remember I needed to buy a box & folders to submit my cases in, so I ended up going out again to buy them.
Got home again, printed out the forms & now I’m typing this post from my bed with my eyes half closed.
Tomorrow I’m supposed to wake up at 5, study till 9 then go to the university. Let’s hope the plan goes as smoothly as planned :) And inshallah rabbi ysahil alomoor :)

P.S. I tweeted today, which was against the rules of the project. But I’m an addict so I’ll let it slip this time only ;)