I’m supposed to be studying for my major midyear exam on Sat. But I got so bored that I had to take a long break.. even if it meant I had to stay up a little longer to finish today’s part. ah well enough talk about what I’m trying to escape from.
Yesterday, I was studying at a friend’s house.. along the way this conversation took place:
Her: at last we’re done with this chapter.
Me: ya rabbi when will Monday come so we could study something interesting like surgery :P.
Her: Bli5! I hate surgery! such a cold hearted profession!
Me: but I love it and you don’t see me cold hearted!
Her: but you will be! and you won’t have a social life! not even a regular life!
Me: as if I have a full life in the 1st place! I stay at home most of my days, I go out every other weekend or something, never multiple days in a row, I love to work and I love surgery!
Her: but you can’t have a family of your own if you do! who will marry you?! no sane man will accept your circumstances!
Me: well how is that my fault?
Her: You’re throwing your life away! don’t you want to have kids? don’t you want to be loved?
Me: Of coarse I want kids!!! in fact I actually want two adorable boys! but that is just a dream.. just like my dream of having my own home & designing it in my own way.. wether I have girls or boys.. I do have dreams like every other normal girl in this world. But..a dream is something and a future-plan is something else! for me to have kids I must get married and for me to get married I must be engaged & non of that happened yet! and the possibility of it happening before I’m 30 is a 50-50 chance.
Her: But you will still get married!
Me: Yes inshallah!
Her: see! you want it!
Me: Okey listen, let’s say God had planned from me to get married when I’m like 33, just like my second cousin, at that age I would’ve gone abroad, became a surgeon & came back! simple math! the idea that I have to plan my future job, it being surgery or not, on something that may happen sooner or later is stupid. I won’t decide to do my second choice unless my circumstances dictates me to do so. I build my life and my future on the reality I can see now or at the point of when I should choose my path not on a possibility & a dream I want to happen that may eventually not happen at all.
Her: you think like a man.
Me: How so?
Her: I’m not sure, but girls don’t think things like that.
Me: lol, is it a bad thing?
Her: urm.. no, but it’s not normal.
Me: lol being abnormal is good sometimes :P.
I have been through this kind of conversation over & over again.. and what’s bugging me is that every single person I talk to says the exact comment: “you are throwing your life away!”. I haven’t fully decided yet.. but I get the right to show interest in the fields I like or love. I think the idea that I should plan every step of MY future on the scale of the convenience of my future-un-materialized-yet husband is just plain stupid and means that I shall have to follow his grand footsteps along the way even if he doesn’t materialize at all. I am a fully grown adult that has the right to have the future that I want & please as long as I don’t hurt anyone in the process.. and Mr. Right would have to take me and accept me as is.
Sweetie,
What u said is absolutely right. U’ll be throwing ur life away if u stopped ur plans waiting for Mr. Right to show up and then it might and might not work out.
The problem here is most of the girls are raised with the idea that they’ll get married after they graduate from high school and start a family and live their lives through this family.
I don’t blame the girls who grow up waiting for this dream to come true. I blame their mothers for planting this idea in their heads from childhood. There’s no sane girl who doesn’t want to have a family and settle for a loving and caring guy, but that doesn’t mean she shouldn’t follow her dreams and aspirations.
I remember when I got my scholarship everybody’s concern was “Don’t u want to get married?” Dad was the only person who said “na9eebik maktoob 3la jbeenik so go and study and don’t let any of this ruin ur plan.”
Now after a couple of years, I didn’t go to study due to obstacles I faced and I’m still single. Mr. Right should accept the girl for what she is and respect what she wants to achieve in this life.
So go and be the great surgeon u want to be and who knows, maybe Mr. Right would be someone who would sweep u off ur feet in the OR. *yeah I know it sounds cheesy* :P Missice(Quote)
LOL it did sound cheesy :P bs I like it :P
I totally agree with you in blaming the mothers or families in general.. but sometimes I think they do that coz they know no better & that’s what they were raised on in the 1st place.
I am kinda enthusiastic that our society is somewhat changing & is begging to pursue girls into building their own carriers.
& Inshallah both me & you will raise our daughters differently ;) iFarah(Quote)
Yes, Exactly! They know no better. Now u see girls from this generation standing up for themselves.. The divorce rate is getting higher cause they stopped accepting things they don’t approve of or compromise for less than what they deserve.
Insha’allah! Can’t wait! ;) Missice(Quote)